Navigating Postpartum Sex Pain: Rediscovering Your Body and Intimacy

She gets up, already drained at the thought of the day ahead—another round of household duties, another list of things that never seems to end. The frustration begins before she’s even left the bedroom, eyes falling on her husband, who hasn’t thought to clean up the living room or even tackle the laundry that’s been piling up. Why do I have to remind him to do these things?

She rolls out of bed and immediately starts preparing breakfast for everyone else. Her own stomach churns, but she doesn’t have time for herself. When she finally grabs a quick cup of coffee, she hurries back to the bedroom to throw on clothes before the inevitable “honey…” or “mom…” pulls her back to the chaos.

In the mirror, she doesn’t linger long. Her postpartum body feels like a stranger’s, marked by the weight she hasn’t yet lost and the stretch marks that no cream has managed to fade. She pulls on a pantyliner, just in case—her prolapsed bladder still isn’t what it used to be. She glances at the dark corner of her closet where her pre-baby clothes sit, mocking her. Those form-fitting jeans and confidence-boosting dresses used to make her feel sexy, desirable, youthful. She used to feel alive in them, but now they are just a reminder of the woman she once was.

She sighs. She pulls on another loose-fitting blouse, her trusty high-waisted jeans that do their best to “shape” her, but all she can see are the bulges. The day passes by in a blur—meetings, more duties, the constant need to keep moving, keep handling things. By the time she pulls into the driveway at home, she remembers, with a sinking feeling, that there are no leftovers for dinner. Another task.

As she walks through the door, her husband emerges from his home office and grabs her from behind. His hands feel like weight on her skin, and she tightens instinctively. She forces a smile, bracing herself, her body stiffening under his touch. She wants to be alone, to relax, to have even just one moment where no one is reaching for her, touching her. Her body feels foreign—gross, unwanted, tired.

She pulls away with an excuse—“I’ve got to start dinner”—and finds herself in the kitchen, overwhelmed by the mental load of what’s next on her list, dreading the inevitable look she’ll get from him later. That look that says, “Can we be intimate tonight?” But she already knows the answer is no. She just doesn’t have it in her, not again tonight. And the guilt gnaws at her because she’s not the woman she used to be. She doesn’t even know what happened to her sex drive—it’s like she can’t even remember the last time she wanted it.

Postpartum Sex Pain: You’re Not Alone

This story might feel all too familiar to many new mothers. The exhaustion, the endless demands, the mental load—and on top of all that, the postpartum sex pain and disconnection from your own body. For many women, the postpartum period can bring a loss of desire, discomfort, and even a deep sense of apathy toward sex.

You’re not imagining it. After giving birth, it’s common to experience discomfort during sex. Whether it’s vaginal dryness, scarring from tearing, or the emotional weight of your new role, postpartum sex can feel overwhelming. Even though you might feel distant from the idea of sex now, you can start to rebuild that connection with your body slowly, without guilt.

Navigating Postpartum Sex Positions

It’s not just pain that makes postpartum sex difficult—it’s also about finding ways to feel comfortable again. Some postpartum sex positions can help ease the pressure and give you more control over how much discomfort you experience. Side-lying or being on top allows you to move at your own pace, minimizing the pressure on your still-healing body. But even if you’re not ready for sex, that’s okay. Healing takes time, and your comfort is the most important thing.

Start Your Healing Journey

If you’re struggling with postpartum sex positions or dealing with postpartum sex pain, know that you’re not alone. Healing your relationship with your body takes time, and you deserve to give yourself that time—without guilt, without shame.

Ready to begin? Schedule a 30 minute clarity call with Nicole here.