Girlfriend Era
Ten days from his manager to his girlfriend.
You love him. You'd choose him again. And when his hand lands on your hip in the kitchen, you suddenly remember the laundry.
The challenge begins in 18 daysClosing night is live on Wednesday, November 18. Join now and you'll be in the room with me.Join today, and today is your day one.
He reaches for you in bed.
Be honest, love. Before you answer, does your body…
Can I describe your Monday?
- Lunches packed.
- The permission slip.
- Who's out of toothpaste.
- His mom's birthday card.
- The dentist you have to reschedule, again.
Then 10pm comes. He reaches for you, and your whole body hears “one more thing on the list.”
That isn't you being cold. That's a body that hasn't been allowed to put anything down all day.
Date nights, new lingerie and “just scheduling it” don't change how being close to him feels in your body. That's why they haven't worked.
You know exactly what you want. You just stopped saying it out loud.
So let me say it for you.
- To feel your own wanting rise on an ordinary Wednesday, all by itself.
- To come home, drop your bag, and simply be home.
- To be surprised by him. A hand on your back you weren't expecting.
- To feel like a woman in your own house. Soft, wanted, and off duty.
None of that is too much to ask for. It's the baseline. And it's all still in there, exactly where you left it, underneath everything you've been holding.
Your body can only open to someone it associates with
A body cannot be in charge of someone and open to them at the same time. Desire needs somebody to lean toward. It cannot lean toward something it is holding up.
So the wanting went quiet. Not because you stopped loving him, but because you never once got to rest inside the relationship. Nothing between you is broken. The conditions changed, and conditions can change again.
so let's release all of the f*cking weight you've been holdingBe honest. Who makes the holidays happen in your house?
- The gifts for his side of the family, too.
- The menu, the grocery run, and the dish his mother likes.
- The matching pajamas for the photo.
- The cards, the teacher gifts, the elf that has to move every single night.
- Wrapping at midnight while he's asleep upstairs.
He shows up, and he's lovely. Everyone tells you how lucky you are.
And somewhere between the second trip to the store and his uncle's opinions at dinner, you stop feeling like his girlfriend and start being the event planner. By the time the house is finally quiet, being touched feels like one more thing being asked of you.
So you tell yourself you'll reconnect in January. January never really comes.
This year, sit at his mother's table warm in your own body, enjoying the night instead of running it.
The Girlfriend Era Challenge finishes on Wednesday, November 18, a full week before Thanksgiving.Start today and you finish before Thanksgiving.Start today and you finish before the December rush. You walk into the season already off duty, with a practice in your pocket for every hard moment, and you stay close to him the whole way through.
Be honest. Who made the holidays happen in your house?
- Every gift, including the ones for his side of the family.
- The menu, the grocery runs, and the dish his mother likes.
- The matching pajamas, and all twelve takes of the photo.
- The thank-you texts nobody else remembered to send.
- The tree coming down while everyone else napped.
You ran the whole season like an event planner. It was gorgeous. Everyone said so.
Now the guests are gone and the house is finally quiet. And instead of rest, the resentment shows up, fashionably late, the first time he reaches for you.
Meanwhile, everyone else's resolutions are about their bodies or their to-do lists. Yours gets to be about being his lover instead of his manager.
This January, retire the clipboard and start your girlfriend era, the one resolution you’ll actually enjoy keeping.
Your ten days start the day you join, eleven minutes each morning. By the time the gym crowd thins out, you're off duty, with a practice in your pocket for every long week, and you stay close to him the whole way through.
Everything that opens the second you join.
You don't have to wait for day one to start putting the weight down. Say yes, and three things are waiting for you inside. The first one is made for tonight.
Night Zero
Your first twelve minutes with me · headphones in, tonight
Before the challenge has even begun, you feel the first bit of weight come off.
Wait until the house goes quiet, put your headphones in, and give me twelve minutes. You don't have to do anything right or figure anything out. For once, you're the one being taken care of.
Before We Begin
How the ten days work · three tiny things to set up
Day one feels easy, because everything is already waiting for you.
Exactly how the ten days work, plus three tiny things to set up ahead of time, so your first morning is just you, your coffee and your headphones, instead of one more thing to organize.
The Take-a-Breath-from-the-In-Laws Bathroom Reset
A two-minute audio · short enough that nobody knocks
You walk back to the table soft again, and when his hand finds your back, it feels good instead of like one more thing.
For the moment you're locked in his mother's bathroom with your jaw clenched, your shoulders up by your ears and a smile you're about to lose. And for date night, when you're finally across the table from him and still running the house in your head. Headphones in, two minutes. Your breath drops, your body lets go of the day, and you walk back out ready to laugh at his uncle's opinions, or to lean across the table and actually enjoy your date.
The Date Night Embodiment Meditation
A two-minute guided audio · back before the appetizers land
You walk back to the table as his date, instead of his event planner.
So many women tell me date night doesn't work for them, because they spend the whole dinner still running the house in their head: the sitter, tomorrow's lunches, whether anyone fed the dog. So slip off to the restaurant bathroom, put your headphones in, and give me two minutes. Your breath drops, the list goes quiet, and you walk back to the table out of your head and into your body, ready to enjoy the man across from you.
In ten days, you get to…
- Go a whole evening without running the house in your head.
- Get into bed without doing the calculation first.
- Feel his hand on your back as relief, not a request.
- Want him on an ordinary Wednesday, without talking yourself into it.
- Feel hot in your own body again, instead of just tired in it.
- Say what you want out loud, and enjoy hearing yourself say it.
- Stay close to him through the holidays, even at his mother's house.
- Stay close to him on the busy weeks, not just the easy ones.
Every morning: eleven minutes in your headphones while the coffee brews, and one deliciously small dare to try that day. Small enough for a Tuesday, and just enough to remind your body it's allowed to be off duty.
Release
Get out of your head, and off duty.
By day three, you'll have an evening where nobody needs you to hold it together, and nothing falls apart.
Resource
Let him become the place you rest.
By day seven, he isn't one more thing on your list. He's where you go to put the list down.
Letting go
Want him again, without forcing it.
By day ten, wanting him just arrives, the way it used to, and it takes you by surprise.
Three nights, live, in a room full of women who get it.Two nights, live, in a room full of women who get it.Your Opening and Closing Rituals with me, and one more night together, live, in December.Your Opening and Closing Rituals with me, and one more class together, live, in January.Your Opening and Closing Rituals, an hour with me at each end of your ten days.
This isn't a course you do alone at midnight. We open together and we close together, on Zoom, with me guiding the whole room in real time.Your Opening Ritual with me is how your first evening begins, and closing night is live on Zoom, with me guiding the whole room in real time.Your ten days begin and end with me. The Opening Ritual walks you into day one, and the Closing Ritual meets you on day ten, each one a full hour of ritual and teaching. And on December 7, your seat is saved at my live masterclass. And on January 13, your seat is saved at Relationships as Ritual, my live masterclass.
- Opening night, live with meMonday, November 9, at 7pm Central. We light the candle together, and I walk you into day one myself, so you begin with your body already softening instead of with a to-do list.
- Your Opening RitualAn hour with me of ritual and teaching. I light the candle and walk you into day one myself, so your body starts softening before the to-do list does. This is how your very first evening begins.
- Your practice, every morningEleven minutes and the day's dare, in your inbox. Listen in the car, in the bath, or once the house goes quiet.
- Closing night, live with meWednesday, November 18, at 7pm Central. Ten days in, you get to celebrate how far you've come, surrounded by the women who went there with you. Bring your questions, and I'll answer them live.
- Closing night, live with meWednesday, November 18, at 7pm Central. Join now and you'll be in the room for it, surrounded by women who get it. Bring your questions, and I'll answer them live.
- Your Closing RitualAn hour with me of ritual and teaching for your day ten. I celebrate how far you've come, and I set you up to keep that warmth going long after the ten days end.
- My December masterclass, liveMonday, December 7, at 7pm Central, on Zoom. In Love: The Unfinished Revolution, I'm taking on why even the most liberated women still feel trapped in their relationships, and why the way out runs through the body. Your seat is saved the moment you join.
- Relationships as Ritual, liveWednesday, January 13, at 12pm Central, on Zoom. A live masterclass with me to open the new year, on treating your relationship as a ritual you get to come home to, instead of a project you manage. Your seat is saved the moment you join.
- Can't make it live?Opening and closing nights land in your inbox the next morning, yours to keep.
- Can't make it live?Closing night lands in your inbox the next morning, right beside your Opening Ritual.
- Yours to keepBoth rituals stay with you, ready whenever you want to come back to them.
We finish a full week before Thanksgiving, so you walk into the holidays wanting him instead of managing everyone.Start today and you finish before Thanksgiving, so you walk into the holidays wanting him instead of managing everyone.Start today and you finish before the December rush, so you walk into the holidays wanting him instead of managing everyone.Start today, and in ten days you're wanting him instead of managing everyone, while the rest of the world argues with its resolutions.
And you remember exactly why you chose him.
His hand lands on your hip in the kitchen, and you lean back into him instead of remembering the laundry.
You go up to bed without running the calculation.
You leave something undone, and nothing falls apart.
You want him, by surprise. It just arrives, the way it used to.
What changes, in their words
He finally met me
“I've been wanting him to meet me desperately for years. I honestly didn't think it was possible.”
Body Compass clientLike jet fuel
“There's no doubt we'd made progress over the years, but this was like jet fuel. We're playful and it feels sustainable.”
Body Compass clientViewing him as a partner
“I didn't realize how much being in a teaching role took away from me viewing him as a partner.”
Body Compass clientThis work helped me find ME
“I started this work to find a lost libido. This work helped me find ME. The libido is just a bonus.”
Body Compass clientI felt completely seen
“It gave me language for what I'd been feeling for so long and didn't know how to express. I felt completely seen.”
Body Compass clientSeen
“You are speaking directly to me. I am so tired of carrying the resentment around.”
Body Compass client
The woman who loves her husband and stopped wanting him is who I work with. She's the most common person who walks into my private practice, and she's the one I'm best at helping.
Over five years and hundreds of women and couples, I've watched the same pattern play out. She carries the house, the calendar and the feelings, and her body quietly files him as one more thing to handle. Most women feel the first shift within a week, before anything between them has changed.
I created the Body Compass Method for exactly this, and I built RYER: The Inner Circle so women and their partners could do this work together for six months. The Girlfriend Era Challenge is the heart of all of it, in ten days.
I'm also the coach who will tell you the dishes can wait. I keep altars all over my house, I hike the woods behind it, I celebrate every sabbat (I'm not a perfect witch), and I swear a little when I mean it. I will never tell you to buy lingerie.
- Creator of the Body Compass Method™
- Hundreds of women and couples in private practice
- Founder of RYER: The Inner Circle
- Host of The Nature of Pleasure
So I'm not asking you to try harder. I'm asking you to put it down with me.
Girlfriend Era
The 10-day challengeMonday, November 9 to Wednesday, November 18Your ten days start the day you join
What opens the second you join.
- Night ZeroYour first twelve minutes with me. Put your headphones in tonight, before the challenge has even begun, and feel the first bit of weight come off.
- The Bathroom ResetTwo minutes in your headphones for the moment you're stuck in your head, at his mother's table or across from him at dinner.
- The Date Night Embodiment MeditationTwo minutes in the restaurant bathroom, and you walk back to the table as his date instead of his event planner.
- Before We BeginExactly how the ten days work, plus three tiny things to set up so day one feels easy.
- Night Zero welcome audio, the moment you join
- The Bathroom Reset, a two-minute audio
- The Date Night Embodiment Meditation, a two-minute guided audio
- Ten eleven-minute practices, one each morning
- A small real-life dare for every day
- 💻 Live opening and closing nights with me
- 💻 Your Opening Ritual with me, plus closing night live on November 18
- 💻 Your Opening and Closing Rituals with me, an hour of ritual and teaching each
- Both nights in your inbox the next morning
- Closing night in your inbox the next morning
- Every recording yours to keep
- Every practice and ritual yours to keep
- 💻 Your seat at my live December masterclass, Love: The Unfinished Revolution (Mon Dec 7, 7pm Central)
- 💻 Your seat at Relationships as Ritual, my live masterclass to open the new year (Wed Jan 13, 12pm Central)
A few things women ask
Does he need to do anything?
No. Every practice and every dare happens on your side. When you come off duty, the whole relationship feels the change, and he never has to know you're doing a challenge.
How much time does it take?
About eleven minutes a day, plus a dare small enough to fit into an ordinary Tuesday. The Girlfriend Era Challenge is built for women with nothing left over.
Is this about being more feminine or more seductive?
Not at all. Nothing in these ten days asks you to perform softness or buy lingerie. Wanting comes back when your body is off duty, so that's all we work on.
I'm married. Is a girlfriend era still for me?
Especially for you. Your girlfriend era has nothing to do with your relationship status. It's about feeling like his lover instead of his manager, whether you've been together three years or thirty.
What if I miss a day?
Nothing breaks. The recordings are yours to keep, and you can pick up wherever you are.
Is there anyone this isn't right for?
This challenge assumes two people who love each other, inside a pattern that went wrong. If stopping would cost you your safety, or you watch his face to work out what's allowed, please reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or thehotline.org. This is somatic education, not therapy.
Welcome to your girlfriend era.
You've been holding this by yourself for long enough. Give it ten days, with every woman beginning togetherbeginning the very day you join, until you feel like his girlfriend instead of his manager.
